She was a mess. Running on caffeine, sweet tea, and Estée Lauder. She had no intention of being in that place on that day and yet, there she was.
Bright-eyed, open-minded, full of dreams- defered. And from the moment her feet hit the asphalt, there was a different swing to her step. Restored purpose on the way to rearrange the world.
Full circle- into the very same space it had begun. On the faces in front of her, the same eager look of years gone by. She recognized it immediately, the air tasted of expectation and over-priced coffee.
And even though the time had shifted in so many ways, it wasn’t much different than it was before. Except for the role reversal.
Weight had shifted, power turned topsey-turvy. End over end until it no longer showed a frightened little girl. Instead, an intensely sure advocate for the love of learning.
The point of today’s lesson- don’t ever trust anyone who builds a fence instead of a bridge, no matter how high the stand above you.
She is the moon, pulling current from the soul-full eyes of a storm. Brewing for years, waiting for the right time to touch-down.
Between her fantasy and her future, unsure which one to prefer. An empty void between the times spent together, feels like eternal misery.
If dreams were reality, She’d choose a toxic seditave and stay under the same stars forever- maybe longer- just to stare into the sky.
Shooting stars, make a wish. Whisper more into my ear. I’ll never say your not enough, in fact I’d never share, a single moment.
Bury me under six feet of your covers, crawl in with me. It’s nice and wet down here.
Run your lips across my shoulders; whisper secrets at my ear. Kiss my lips, twice. Slip your fingers in right there.
Twist into me, let me feel you, let me breathe in all your air. Thick like molasses, sticky sweet, southern sugar on my tongue.
Roll me over, sun stained skin crushed against mine- paradise. No lights, no insecurities, no fears, no judgements -freedom’s hip to hip.
Moan for me, fever-pitched breath against our collar bones. Bite down and ride the ocean between my thighs. Twenty-four, three hundred sixty-five times infinity would never be enough time to forget you.
Stay with me until I can no longer remember a you and a me.
A vail of darkness fell in the lowest chamber of the fractured heart. Flecks of black started to show up in her everyday eyes.
Solitary confinement of the mind, a prison cell for the ego until there is no humility or self.
Loathing the loss of both in the same vapor of time. Where they not in the palm of your hand? It was a mirage of the cruelest kindness.
Pull the covers up around the shoulders, tie it in a knot around your throat- jump-superman.
Painted on smile, southern lilt on the line. Agreeable laughter, condolences for the loss.
She knows all the right words, pulpit convictions on the doorstep of Hell. Mouth full of ashes, no aftertaste.
Grab a bottle of pills, of vodka, of regret, of fear, of loss, of lingering between the light and the shadows. Just pour-
Until it feels no more, no more, no more…
Listen, little girl. You only get what I give to you and today, I’m taking it all back. It was never yours to begin with.
Not even one piece for the memories. Leave the broken ones on your front porch- even if you put them in black plastic- I’ll take them.
Stitch them back in with a quilting needle- red yarn. You never deserved them, anyway.
Give me back my flowers, my smiles, my laughter. Wrap them all together with my happiness. Get your own- they aren’t cheap- are you?
Fake- dollar- store- truths. Would you even recognize it? A diamond among rubies, a light in the dark, sun in the winter.
There are no returns, no take-backs, no lifetime gaurentee- not to mention it was all for free.
Go on Now! with your cheap thrill; don’t bother calling- collect calls no longer accepted.
My checks hurt from smiling, I’m massaging the muscles with my fingers all while I grin at the thought of you.
A contagious sound that builds from the pit of your belly and travels across time to greet my ears — the sweetest sound.
Barrel laughs, thigh slapping, tear wiping, stomach cramping, cross your legs, fall-over.
Roll onto your back and look up- “are there clouds where you are at?” I have to open my eyes; I didn’t realize they were closed.
Crystal-clear blue, white little puffs. Like breath on a cold winter’s day- “they are beautiful”. Sweltering heat above -through the sunroof, mid-July morning.
What’s the point in waiting? I can see you from here. Don’t try to go backwards, you have nothing to hide.
Are you even from here?
It doesn’t sound like it. Southern Belle- Civil War, inside your head. Cannons sounding in the distance. Walk awhile with me.
Blue bird on my shoulder- Cardinal in the tree. It’s a spirit, she whispers and I giggle, I know. Feel the corners of my lips turn up to greet the sun.
Close my eyes and drift away into the sounds of sweet tea, pecan pie, hay fields, forty-acre lots. Cicadas lead the way.
Fields of wheat part a path to follow deep. Ring-around-the-Rosie…we all fall down…and laugh, and laugh, and laugh.
Free at last, no truer words have ever been spoken- how joyful it is to not hold back.
I forget to put my guard up. In fact, I toss it to the side without blinking- third degree burns for picking it back up.
I have no fear because, there is no judge. What is it like to know the real me? Did you apply to be a part of the group? Or just selected?
Count them all on one hand- I have two fingers left. Membership would cost a king’s ransom, but I don’t want your gold.
Honesty, a rare jewel- diamond, rubies pearl gates couldn’t keep me away from clutching onto you.
Can you say the same? Tell me everything! Brutally- be true. Am I her? Did you give up too soon?
Don’t hide behind excuses, they never looked good on you. Strip away the layers, dig in. Secrets never keep.
Bite your cheek if you must, sit on your twitchy hands, clench your thighs- to keep from giving in.
I’ll be patient- eternity is not too long to wait.
You were right, that place exisits here and now…in our minds.
The impossible knife of forgotten possibility, the choking grip of memory — can’t let it go.
A room of closed windows, nailed shut. Plastic bag covered lungs. The pain of joy deferred- can you feel it?
Can a heart beat in two different worlds? How many moons does it orbit- in what house? A twelve step program…to forget?
Don’t wake me from my dreams, let me live there, sweet- cotton candied sugar crystallized. Taste it on my lips, go back to sleep.
Give me eight, alone, no rules- don’t talk just lay back- forget…
Forget about the seven deadly moments- concentrate on just this ..
There’s a pain in my chest and I wonder why it hurts, for a second.
It seems like such a long time-a little over 400 days, a softball sized removal, then push it all back together – there you go, all better!
Except I’m not, because there’s a pain in my chest, I’m scared.
Last scan they said, good for six months. like a prison sentence…
To find out if it’s all okay? No more tumors? Well then, why the pain?
I run my fingers along the scars, just to soothe a broken mind. Does that feel okay? I’m not sure? It’s different and I feel pain.
Take a deep breath, put on a confident smile, erase the fear and the dread…feel my mind full to running over with anything else but…
Please don’t come back, please don’t come back…
but there’s this pain in my chest and my mind is on rewind.
They were standing on the precipice when she noticed a tiny crack.
It was nothing to the naked eye but to the trained,it was a fracture wide enough to step through and bring the herd.
A thick sheet of ice, a jagged little break.
Do you have intentions? Or is this all a game?
Why pull so tight that you almost snap?
Like an old rubber band — dry and brittle.
If you don’t learn to give, you won’t bounce back — and forth between the two.
Or was it three? Or four?
That’s the magic number; always has been.
Always a has been.
It’s impossible to lie and tell the truth in one single breath. Fool me once? Never mind, you know I don’t care…
It’s okay to lie, to me, with that voice, in my ear- like honey and smoke and sweet, sweet, fantasy.